these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
