You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am available for nakedness
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
