you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize