What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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