My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
These tits shall not be calmed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
