this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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