...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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