i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
