I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
