My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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