Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
