doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
