i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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