Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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