I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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