I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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