i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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