we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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