i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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