He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
