I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize