I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
