I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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