I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
