I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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