Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
