i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
