Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
