Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
