Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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