I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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