Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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