Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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