the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
