And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
