the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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