i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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