i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
