I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Randomize
