Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
