Porn is love you can see.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
