I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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