obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
