Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
