Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
