I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
