You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
