just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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