I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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