Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
