im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
