I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
