I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
