She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
