You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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