Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
