1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
