i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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