The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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