47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize