We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
