Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
