YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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