uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize