Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
