Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
