im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
