He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
