How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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