Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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