You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sext me about skeletons
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
