So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We left the knife in your bed.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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