i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just found a bag of teeth...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
