pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
