im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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