can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
