you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
