I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
