i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
