i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
