so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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