Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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