1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
