I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize