why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
