So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
